In the mind of the writer who suffers depression

This is probably one of the strongest pieces i could write…

When will this monster leave me alone? Can i shake it off this time like i did the last time? How long will it be here? I feel it in my soul i’m tired and i’m tired of trying. I want to keep going but my will to do so is slowly fading. I feel alone again. Much more alone than i have in years. I thought i was ok but i am not and no one can hear me screaming for help. I want freedom but freedom will only come one way. I want to run away from it all. I want to see other places. Everyday is the same thing and nothing changes. Maybe i will leave. Maybe i will go off on my own and find a way to be free from this routine i’m stuck in. maybe i can find me again, who i was meant to be. I feel like a leech stuck to this planet. Sometimes i don’t even know who i am and other days i know exactly who i am and who i’m meant to be and where im meant to be. Some days i let my mind wander into the unknowns of what ifs and what it is. Some days i don’t feel good enough for anything. Some days i’m good enough for everything. Some days i feel like the world is going to crash and some days i feel like i can hold it up by my fingertips. My mind has always been changing and most people don’t get it with me. Some people who have been here know that i’m crazy and other people think i’m completely normal. There is no right answer for people like me because we are like currents that are always flowing. Always restless. Always hopeless. Always looking for a new direction to go before we get bored with where we’re at. There is no escape when it decides to linger back into my life. I will suffer daily. Feeling the darkness surround me til i am strong enough to push it away or give up and let it consume me. Its painful. I can smile all day long and say i’m great but the truth is. Is that i’m crying inside and i want out of this hole that i’m trapped in and i’m the only one who can dig my way out. This shit sucks and i’m doing the best i can.

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