So I haven’t written a blog in a while it seems and I’ll tell you why. I’ve been focused on honing my skills with yoga and my new job. I’ve gotten better at yoga to the point I can do headstands unassisted by a wall. I have been focused on my balance and breathing and learning each movement as if I were a Buddhist monk. I’ve been opening myself to learning and feeling with each breath during my flows and learning who I am and what I can tolerate. I am stronger than when I started out in Jan. I do yoga almost daily even if it’s just a simple stretching session. Some days I take a night off because it’s been a long day and jbdkmt want to move but that’s a part of human nature. Some days I have to pull myself onto that mat because I feel awful and my head hurts but my heart and soul crave that flow and once I’ve gotten through a session I feel better than when I started. I am falling in love each day with my journey and it is quite the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
Since birth I’ve struggled with finding myself. During my high school years I thought I had but that was just typical teenager thinking. Then after the birth of my son and a divorce I thought I was on my way to finding myself but unfortunately never could pinpoint who I was. I learned I loved odd things and knew I wanted to be a writer since I was small because I was proud of my creative mind. I tried off and on for years writing books and only wrote half of all things. Music and dancing took hold and I thought that was my muse. While music is still a big part of my life, it’s not exactly my muse. Writing still took hold and still I wrote. I guess that’s why I loved Facebook and wattapp because I could write instead of verbally talk. I learned recently I wasn’t a novel writer, it just wasn’t in the cards for me. I also took up a growing passion for yoga and slowly but surely fell in love with the art as well as Buddhism as the art of yoga is also tired into it. I realized blogging was something I was good at and I’m slowly getting better each day with yoga as it’s giving me confidence in myself and teaching me to work with my mind, body, and soul. My writing is getting noticed and that pleases me as people can relate to what I feel. At the age of 27 I feel I’m starting to see the woman in me that I’ve been waiting to see. I know my likes and dislikes. I know what I want in this world and what I want to leave behind when I die. I know this will change again after I get much older but I’m preparing my body now for the older me to be able to enjoy later on and that’s the gift I want to give my future self.
So this past week I’ve been crazy busy since starting my new job and learning new things and operations. I have been stressed out and haven’t had time to get on the mat for yoga. I’ve also neglected my diet just a little bit. But I can’t be too hard on myself as I was going through new changes and adapting to new surroundings. I made a promise to at least flow 10 to 15 minutes daily either before work or after as long as I am practicing. It’s a struggle but I am determined and I won’t give up.
Today I got on my yoga mat.
Today I told myself I was going to stretch more and flow more and be in touch with myself.
Today my flow seemed more natural.
Today I did more on the mat than I am used to.
Today I felt more balance during my day.
Today I felt great about myself.
It all starts with….
So since I’m still rather new to yoga but I’ve learned to flow instead of constantly having my face in a book trying to decide which pose I want to go with. What I struggle with the most is headstands. These advanced yogis make it look so flawless but I’m not confident in myself to achieve it. I feel like I’m still not strong enough and that I might end up breaking my neck because let’s face it I’m a little heavier than most I’ve seen and I know it’s possible but I fear I may never get there. It’s so difficult to be patient but I know with patience and practice I can achieve that headstand. I always try to tell myself not to let it get to me and that my strength will build in its own time. Maybe once I’ve lost a little more weight I won’t feel as heavy.
Sometimes your body and mentality need a break from the constant strain of a busy demanding life. Others struggle more than others but our struggles are each their own. I have been severely unmotivated this week from losing my job after putting in my two week notice in after receiving a new job. I have wanted to do yoga but have barely done any true flow except for a little bit of stretching and relaxation in the bath tub. I always watch these amazing women and men on Instagram practice so hard and I want to be like that one day. I am trying so hard to promise myself that I will begin again next week once I get past the weekend. I have hope of starting this new job sooner with the help of my new co workers taking their roles of upper management and pushing it to happen. I need to focus on my health and learn to get into the habit of doing yoga daily so that I can tone and lose weight but also calm my restless mind from the stresses of life. Sometimes simple struggles like that can get someone down and all they need is a little push. Don’t give up, take a break but don’t stop trying.
Saturday’s at work are always dreadful because you don’t want to be there and would rather sleep in and go out and enjoy that wonderful day. Sometimes when I scheduled to come into the office on a Saturday and I miss my flow session the night before I always try to make it up in the morning when I get to the office because it keeps me on track and makes me feel refreshed even though I never wanted to work Saturday. Enjoying a quiet moment in an empty office isn’t really that bad when you focus on your poses and meditation. It helps refresh the mind and body reminding you that there is more to life than just eat, sleep, and work. Trying to stay focused on a diet and yoga can be stressful but you must keep in mind it’s helping you and should in turn be less dreadful as if it were a chore. Creating a healthy routine habit should be something we all should keep focus on because in the long run we want to live happy healthy lives and we can only achieve it if we put the hard work, determination, and focus into it.
Unfortunately for me I began this journey late in my life and kind of let my body go due to depression and mental manipulation of others in my life. A year and a half ago I got into the best life changing relationship of my life. Someone who lifted me up and showed me it’s okay to be myself. I gave up everything and he snapped me out of it and told me to write again and I have.
Because I started writing again I wrote and published two books. I started doing yoga which I had wanted to do for years but have never given myself enough time to try. I moved to Dallas TX and got a decent job that pays my bills and spoils. I get to finally after almost 27 years of life enjoy some of the finer things that life has to offer. I have my own apartment, my own car and my own life. Being able to come home after a long day of work and do yoga peacefully really is a wonderful thing. Being able to meditate and put your inner peace first really does make a difference in your well being. Yoga is difficult for me buts that’s normal for beginners. With time I will get stronger and with my diet I will shed the pounds I need to get rid of. Patience is key to all and with patience and effort come great results.