Epiphany

For years I’ve wanted to be an author and write great books that would storm the shelves of bookstores world wide. I’ve written many short stories that I’ve considered publishing into one book since I know they won’t get any longer. I’ve published two novels and I am half way through a third that I might turn into a short as well along with another that I have an idea for. But I’ve realized while I might love writing maybe novel writing isn’t exactly for me but rather a short story writer as well as a blogger such as what I am doing now because I can sit down for thirty minutes and bust out a good post and on a good day write half of a short story. Maybe that’s what I’m good at, plus I have other projects going on and I know I can’t spend all day writing because sitting in one place for too long drives me nuts. So I’ll stick to what I can accomplish and hope for the best. Don’t give up on what you love doing, just making it to where it’s doable.

Practice

Today I did it even when I wasn’t intending to work on a headstand. I usually do regular headstands assisted by a wall. Today I took a shot at a tripod headstand and nailed it on my first try. Now I haven’t attempted the tripod since elementary school when they wanted us to practice gymnastics and I failed and never tried again. A month ago I attempted the tripod but I wasn’t strong enough and I felt like I was going to break my neck for sure. Well today I gave it a shot for the hell of it and I felt so confident and proud that I did it two more times after the initial stand and took two videos both with two different versions. I have been strength training to help my upper body strength and despite how heavy weighted I am it’s certainly paying off.

Where I’ve been

So this past week I’ve been crazy busy since starting my new job and learning new things and operations. I have been stressed out and haven’t had time to get on the mat for yoga. I’ve also neglected my diet just a little bit. But I can’t be too hard on myself as I was going through new changes and adapting to new surroundings. I made a promise to at least flow 10 to 15 minutes daily either before work or after as long as I am practicing. It’s a struggle but I am determined and I won’t give up.

Sore

So I knew I was tired but I had to get on my mat tonight for yoga because then I would regret it if I didn’t. Before I started my session I did a little bit of leg and arm strengthening with a resistant band and then as I was going through my flows and my stretches I decided I would participate in a few headstands because I wanted to keep them as part of my practice til I can do them without assistance from the wall. I noticed I was able to get into a headstand much easier and almost hold it without the wall. I also knew when to stop because my lower back started hurting so I stretched a little more to loosen up and then relaxed in savasana or corpse pose for as long as my body needed to restore itself. I’m a little more on the site side tonight but that’s because I worked harder. I’m starting to feel more confident about my strength and can’t wait til I can get back on the mat. Namaste.

#metoo

As you can see all over social media women like myself are finally standing up for themselves and speaking about the sexual assault they have faced. In some point in a woman’s life she will be assaulted and never speak about it because she’s scared as to what people will think. When I woman says no or doesn’t give you consent to touch her, you take your fucking hands off her. There was a time in my life where I was held against my will and raped and ended up falling in love with my rapist because I was dumb and naive and had no where to go. Back then I never realized it was rape until I grew up a little more. This man was 7 years my senior and knew what he did as he cried in my arms the next day apologizing for what he had done. Still the thought didn’t cross me because I was lost and confused and in a very bad mental state. Women are so easily abused and we expect men to be there to help us instead of abuse us. We will never be held silent again. Take a stand and use your voice.

Headstand

Today I pushed myself a little more than normal because I knew I could do more. I don’t push myself to exhaustion but I do want to feel results. I took a 30 minute power walk this morning to wake up and freshen my body. Later on closer to lunch I decided to get on the mat and stretch and ended up doing a little bit of a flow. As I was feeling in tune with myself i encouraged myself to try for the headstand. It took a few tries but I succeeded even though I did have the wall. I started stretching with the wall and it felt amazing. It just goes to show that you must keep practicing to achieve where you want to be. Believe and you will succeed.

Today

Today I got on my yoga mat.

Today I told myself I was going to stretch more and flow more and be in touch with myself.

Today my flow seemed more natural.

Today I did more on the mat than I am used to.

Today I felt more balance during my day.

Today I felt great about myself.

It all starts with….

Today.

Namaste.

Not Confident

So since I’m still rather new to yoga but I’ve learned to flow instead of constantly having my face in a book trying to decide which pose I want to go with. What I struggle with the most is headstands. These advanced yogis make it look so flawless but I’m not confident in myself to achieve it. I feel like I’m still not strong enough and that I might end up breaking my neck because let’s face it I’m a little heavier than most I’ve seen and I know it’s possible but I fear I may never get there. It’s so difficult to be patient but I know with patience and practice I can achieve that headstand. I always try to tell myself not to let it get to me and that my strength will build in its own time. Maybe once I’ve lost a little more weight I won’t feel as heavy.

Low Blood

Sometimes people ask me why I have snacks next to my bed and why not leave them in the kitchen? I’ll tell you because at 7am when my blood sugar bottoms out and I can barely move because I just got out of sleep paralysis. I need a snack to snap me out of it and there ain’t a thing wrong with having emergency cookies on your nightstand. Yes I eat sweets but not as much as you think and most people would think that’s they are on my nightstand but no they are there to save my ass such as this morning.

Remotivation

Sometimes your body and mentality need a break from the constant strain of a busy demanding life. Others struggle more than others but our struggles are each their own. I have been severely unmotivated this week from losing my job after putting in my two week notice in after receiving a new job. I have wanted to do yoga but have barely done any true flow except for a little bit of stretching and relaxation in the bath tub. I always watch these amazing women and men on Instagram practice so hard and I want to be like that one day. I am trying so hard to promise myself that I will begin again next week once I get past the weekend. I have hope of starting this new job sooner with the help of my new co workers taking their roles of upper management and pushing it to happen. I need to focus on my health and learn to get into the habit of doing yoga daily so that I can tone and lose weight but also calm my restless mind from the stresses of life. Sometimes simple struggles like that can get someone down and all they need is a little push. Don’t give up, take a break but don’t stop trying.