So I haven’t written a blog in a while it seems and I’ll tell you why. I’ve been focused on honing my skills with yoga and my new job. I’ve gotten better at yoga to the point I can do headstands unassisted by a wall. I have been focused on my balance and breathing and learning each movement as if I were a Buddhist monk. I’ve been opening myself to learning and feeling with each breath during my flows and learning who I am and what I can tolerate. I am stronger than when I started out in Jan. I do yoga almost daily even if it’s just a simple stretching session. Some days I take a night off because it’s been a long day and jbdkmt want to move but that’s a part of human nature. Some days I have to pull myself onto that mat because I feel awful and my head hurts but my heart and soul crave that flow and once I’ve gotten through a session I feel better than when I started. I am falling in love each day with my journey and it is quite the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
Since birth I’ve struggled with finding myself. During my high school years I thought I had but that was just typical teenager thinking. Then after the birth of my son and a divorce I thought I was on my way to finding myself but unfortunately never could pinpoint who I was. I learned I loved odd things and knew I wanted to be a writer since I was small because I was proud of my creative mind. I tried off and on for years writing books and only wrote half of all things. Music and dancing took hold and I thought that was my muse. While music is still a big part of my life, it’s not exactly my muse. Writing still took hold and still I wrote. I guess that’s why I loved Facebook and wattapp because I could write instead of verbally talk. I learned recently I wasn’t a novel writer, it just wasn’t in the cards for me. I also took up a growing passion for yoga and slowly but surely fell in love with the art as well as Buddhism as the art of yoga is also tired into it. I realized blogging was something I was good at and I’m slowly getting better each day with yoga as it’s giving me confidence in myself and teaching me to work with my mind, body, and soul. My writing is getting noticed and that pleases me as people can relate to what I feel. At the age of 27 I feel I’m starting to see the woman in me that I’ve been waiting to see. I know my likes and dislikes. I know what I want in this world and what I want to leave behind when I die. I know this will change again after I get much older but I’m preparing my body now for the older me to be able to enjoy later on and that’s the gift I want to give my future self.
I didn’t feel like getting on my yoga mat tonight because I’ve been feeling blah all day so I didn’t get on the mat, I flowed off the mat and put my focus into my balance and my strength and just thought about me and the music I was listening to. I feel better. I feel less blah and I was able to ground myself and become one with myself. I am still just as tired as when I started but I feel tired with a better purpose now. This is why I love yoga.
Tonight I decided to get back on the mat after my initial round because I guess I wasn’t done and worked on my tripod headstand and with patience and focus I was able to lift my hips up and remove my knees from my forearms and almost extended all the way. Despite falling the three times that I did it and I didn’t care that I fell it’s the fact that I had enough strength in my body to support that leg lift and I’m so proud of myself.
Today I did it even when I wasn’t intending to work on a headstand. I usually do regular headstands assisted by a wall. Today I took a shot at a tripod headstand and nailed it on my first try. Now I haven’t attempted the tripod since elementary school when they wanted us to practice gymnastics and I failed and never tried again. A month ago I attempted the tripod but I wasn’t strong enough and I felt like I was going to break my neck for sure. Well today I gave it a shot for the hell of it and I felt so confident and proud that I did it two more times after the initial stand and took two videos both with two different versions. I have been strength training to help my upper body strength and despite how heavy weighted I am it’s certainly paying off.
So this past week I’ve been crazy busy since starting my new job and learning new things and operations. I have been stressed out and haven’t had time to get on the mat for yoga. I’ve also neglected my diet just a little bit. But I can’t be too hard on myself as I was going through new changes and adapting to new surroundings. I made a promise to at least flow 10 to 15 minutes daily either before work or after as long as I am practicing. It’s a struggle but I am determined and I won’t give up.
So I knew I was tired but I had to get on my mat tonight for yoga because then I would regret it if I didn’t. Before I started my session I did a little bit of leg and arm strengthening with a resistant band and then as I was going through my flows and my stretches I decided I would participate in a few headstands because I wanted to keep them as part of my practice til I can do them without assistance from the wall. I noticed I was able to get into a headstand much easier and almost hold it without the wall. I also knew when to stop because my lower back started hurting so I stretched a little more to loosen up and then relaxed in savasana or corpse pose for as long as my body needed to restore itself. I’m a little more on the site side tonight but that’s because I worked harder. I’m starting to feel more confident about my strength and can’t wait til I can get back on the mat. Namaste.
Today I pushed myself a little more than normal because I knew I could do more. I don’t push myself to exhaustion but I do want to feel results. I took a 30 minute power walk this morning to wake up and freshen my body. Later on closer to lunch I decided to get on the mat and stretch and ended up doing a little bit of a flow. As I was feeling in tune with myself i encouraged myself to try for the headstand. It took a few tries but I succeeded even though I did have the wall. I started stretching with the wall and it felt amazing. It just goes to show that you must keep practicing to achieve where you want to be. Believe and you will succeed.
Today I got on my yoga mat.
Today I told myself I was going to stretch more and flow more and be in touch with myself.
Today my flow seemed more natural.
Today I did more on the mat than I am used to.
Today I felt more balance during my day.
Today I felt great about myself.
It all starts with….
So since I’m still rather new to yoga but I’ve learned to flow instead of constantly having my face in a book trying to decide which pose I want to go with. What I struggle with the most is headstands. These advanced yogis make it look so flawless but I’m not confident in myself to achieve it. I feel like I’m still not strong enough and that I might end up breaking my neck because let’s face it I’m a little heavier than most I’ve seen and I know it’s possible but I fear I may never get there. It’s so difficult to be patient but I know with patience and practice I can achieve that headstand. I always try to tell myself not to let it get to me and that my strength will build in its own time. Maybe once I’ve lost a little more weight I won’t feel as heavy.
Sometimes your body and mentality need a break from the constant strain of a busy demanding life. Others struggle more than others but our struggles are each their own. I have been severely unmotivated this week from losing my job after putting in my two week notice in after receiving a new job. I have wanted to do yoga but have barely done any true flow except for a little bit of stretching and relaxation in the bath tub. I always watch these amazing women and men on Instagram practice so hard and I want to be like that one day. I am trying so hard to promise myself that I will begin again next week once I get past the weekend. I have hope of starting this new job sooner with the help of my new co workers taking their roles of upper management and pushing it to happen. I need to focus on my health and learn to get into the habit of doing yoga daily so that I can tone and lose weight but also calm my restless mind from the stresses of life. Sometimes simple struggles like that can get someone down and all they need is a little push. Don’t give up, take a break but don’t stop trying.