Ever have a project or projects you work on and just kinda stop and work on something else for a while even though you love what you do? That’s how I feel about writing. I have so many different stories that I can’t seem to finish, some I might, some a may never touch again. I have all this imagination and i want to share it with the world. Maybe one day I can compile all that I’ve worked on into work story. I would love for the world to be able to buy my books off the shelf and take my work home and relate to it. I know some of my stories aren’t the finest but who has the best work? No one because it all depends on the reader as well as the writer. We all have our passion. I know what stories I want to write but sometimes life gets in the way and you can’t always get the time you need to finish your work. One day I will or at least hope I become the best selling author I want to be. Anyone can make it happen you just have to try and not give up.
Life is so full of many adventures we often get turned in the opposite direction from which we are headed. We strive to stay on the path we want to be on but sometimes life gets in the way and we are forced to search for a different road to get us back on the same path. We all want success and to enjoy life without hassle of the daily struggles. We all want the best in life no matter what it may be. We want to be able to enjoy the fruits of our labor and see our children to grow up to be even more successful than us. Most want to enjoy life by doing what we love career based. One way or another we eventually get to where we want to be once we’ve learned the lessons that life teaches us. Remember you will achieve what you put your heart into.
But there will always be a little darkness to balance the light in life. That darkness is the pain from the past that you have learned to live through.
So I haven’t written a blog in a while it seems and I’ll tell you why. I’ve been focused on honing my skills with yoga and my new job. I’ve gotten better at yoga to the point I can do headstands unassisted by a wall. I have been focused on my balance and breathing and learning each movement as if I were a Buddhist monk. I’ve been opening myself to learning and feeling with each breath during my flows and learning who I am and what I can tolerate. I am stronger than when I started out in Jan. I do yoga almost daily even if it’s just a simple stretching session. Some days I take a night off because it’s been a long day and jbdkmt want to move but that’s a part of human nature. Some days I have to pull myself onto that mat because I feel awful and my head hurts but my heart and soul crave that flow and once I’ve gotten through a session I feel better than when I started. I am falling in love each day with my journey and it is quite the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
Since birth I’ve struggled with finding myself. During my high school years I thought I had but that was just typical teenager thinking. Then after the birth of my son and a divorce I thought I was on my way to finding myself but unfortunately never could pinpoint who I was. I learned I loved odd things and knew I wanted to be a writer since I was small because I was proud of my creative mind. I tried off and on for years writing books and only wrote half of all things. Music and dancing took hold and I thought that was my muse. While music is still a big part of my life, it’s not exactly my muse. Writing still took hold and still I wrote. I guess that’s why I loved Facebook and wattapp because I could write instead of verbally talk. I learned recently I wasn’t a novel writer, it just wasn’t in the cards for me. I also took up a growing passion for yoga and slowly but surely fell in love with the art as well as Buddhism as the art of yoga is also tired into it. I realized blogging was something I was good at and I’m slowly getting better each day with yoga as it’s giving me confidence in myself and teaching me to work with my mind, body, and soul. My writing is getting noticed and that pleases me as people can relate to what I feel. At the age of 27 I feel I’m starting to see the woman in me that I’ve been waiting to see. I know my likes and dislikes. I know what I want in this world and what I want to leave behind when I die. I know this will change again after I get much older but I’m preparing my body now for the older me to be able to enjoy later on and that’s the gift I want to give my future self.
For years I’ve wanted to be an author and write great books that would storm the shelves of bookstores world wide. I’ve written many short stories that I’ve considered publishing into one book since I know they won’t get any longer. I’ve published two novels and I am half way through a third that I might turn into a short as well along with another that I have an idea for. But I’ve realized while I might love writing maybe novel writing isn’t exactly for me but rather a short story writer as well as a blogger such as what I am doing now because I can sit down for thirty minutes and bust out a good post and on a good day write half of a short story. Maybe that’s what I’m good at, plus I have other projects going on and I know I can’t spend all day writing because sitting in one place for too long drives me nuts. So I’ll stick to what I can accomplish and hope for the best. Don’t give up on what you love doing, just making it to where it’s doable.
So this past week I’ve been crazy busy since starting my new job and learning new things and operations. I have been stressed out and haven’t had time to get on the mat for yoga. I’ve also neglected my diet just a little bit. But I can’t be too hard on myself as I was going through new changes and adapting to new surroundings. I made a promise to at least flow 10 to 15 minutes daily either before work or after as long as I am practicing. It’s a struggle but I am determined and I won’t give up.
So I knew I was tired but I had to get on my mat tonight for yoga because then I would regret it if I didn’t. Before I started my session I did a little bit of leg and arm strengthening with a resistant band and then as I was going through my flows and my stretches I decided I would participate in a few headstands because I wanted to keep them as part of my practice til I can do them without assistance from the wall. I noticed I was able to get into a headstand much easier and almost hold it without the wall. I also knew when to stop because my lower back started hurting so I stretched a little more to loosen up and then relaxed in savasana or corpse pose for as long as my body needed to restore itself. I’m a little more on the site side tonight but that’s because I worked harder. I’m starting to feel more confident about my strength and can’t wait til I can get back on the mat. Namaste.
As you can see all over social media women like myself are finally standing up for themselves and speaking about the sexual assault they have faced. In some point in a woman’s life she will be assaulted and never speak about it because she’s scared as to what people will think. When I woman says no or doesn’t give you consent to touch her, you take your fucking hands off her. There was a time in my life where I was held against my will and raped and ended up falling in love with my rapist because I was dumb and naive and had no where to go. Back then I never realized it was rape until I grew up a little more. This man was 7 years my senior and knew what he did as he cried in my arms the next day apologizing for what he had done. Still the thought didn’t cross me because I was lost and confused and in a very bad mental state. Women are so easily abused and we expect men to be there to help us instead of abuse us. We will never be held silent again. Take a stand and use your voice.
Today I pushed myself a little more than normal because I knew I could do more. I don’t push myself to exhaustion but I do want to feel results. I took a 30 minute power walk this morning to wake up and freshen my body. Later on closer to lunch I decided to get on the mat and stretch and ended up doing a little bit of a flow. As I was feeling in tune with myself i encouraged myself to try for the headstand. It took a few tries but I succeeded even though I did have the wall. I started stretching with the wall and it felt amazing. It just goes to show that you must keep practicing to achieve where you want to be. Believe and you will succeed.